Monday, July 1, 2019

Books That Will Never Be Published (Much Less Read)




The Fear of All Sums – by Dom Dancy: The story of a first grader traumatized by basic addition.

The Silence of the Grams – by Lom Harist: Two elderly women get into a fight over a cookie recipe – and don’t speak to each other for over 20 years.

Gone with the Gin – by Marjorie Twitchell: 400 mind-numbing pages about a southern belle who gets wasted every afternoon while trying to turn curtains into a dress.

The Wizard of Snozby L. Tank Balm: A frustrated pharmaceutical chemist tries to develop a cure for post nasal drip.

East of Anthony Edenby Ron Grindneck: A memoir written by the British Prime Minister’s next-door neighbor prior to World War II.

The Old Man and the Peaby Furness Hedway: An elderly man places a pea under 9 mattresses and asks his wife to try sleeping on them to see if she really is a princess?

Pride and Prune Juice – by Lane Boston: Extolling the virtues of prune juice, including a list of creative ways to serve it to unsuspecting friends.

Jim’s Hairy Tales – by Jim Grinn: A pictorial chronicle of a barber’s favorite haircuts.

Atlas Chuggedby Ann Spam: A college fraternity brother attempts to drink a keg of beer by himself when no one shows up for the pledge party.

Not-so-Great Expectationsby Darls Hickens: The story of a boy who grew into a man, and spent all of his time trying to determine whether grilled chicken was preferable to hamburgers. 

Lord of the Pies – by Willem Gelding: The world champion in pie-eating contests is finally beaten when he goes to a match where rhubarb pie is featured.

Omelet – by Wilhelm Snakespeare: The grease-spattered adventures of a short-order cook whose mother owns the restaurant.

Skydiving for Dummies – by Tom Traction: 206 reasons (number of bones in the human body) to always remember your parachute.

Watching Paint Dry – by I.M. Boring: How to occupy yourself in a really small town, or if you are a hermit.

No comments:

Post a Comment